This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize