I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
