I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
