Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
