the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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