Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
