So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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