My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize