i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
