I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
