just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
