They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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