I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
