benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
