Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize