fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
4 words: hood of his car
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Randomize
