Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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