Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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