We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You ruined the universe
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
