is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
