We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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