Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
