While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When are your genitals available?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
