We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
