I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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