if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
