Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
