Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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