i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
either way he was missing a nipple.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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