They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
