Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
