it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
