By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
