Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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