sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
