So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize