i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
