i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
