Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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