the condom got lost in my hair
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
