She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
smell my finger.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
