its not stalking. its research.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
