pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize