You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
