What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
