I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
