fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
