See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
