Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
