Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
