cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
