the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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