you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
