So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I CAN MOONWALK!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
