The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
