Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
