That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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