Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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