dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
