I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
