Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize