i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
