Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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