His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
