the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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