Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
