i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
