Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You can't motorboat a personality
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
