Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
