After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize