I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
