Your dad touched me again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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