His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
