I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
