He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
