so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
