too bad you live with your parents still
and you said cock pushups were impossible
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
