Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
