My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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