South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
