If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
