Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
