She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
