I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
