If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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