I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
