did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
