Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
