if i can run in heels then i can drive
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize