she was so not down for the gang bang
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
