the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
