dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
