His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
