Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
