Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
