I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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