We won't sleep together?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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