Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm going to jail i love you
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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