I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
