I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
