he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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