I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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