I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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