Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
