I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
